oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
