omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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