i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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