I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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