I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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