is your mom at the bar?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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