just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just had sex on a roof
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My life is pants optional.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
