shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize