you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
