after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
