Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
