I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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