this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize