You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
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