Yo dont text me then not text me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
