I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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