i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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