So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
