I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
