I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
