Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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