On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
