Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
