You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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