how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
