I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
