i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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