Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
