you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
