don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize