I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize