Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
