Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
