Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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