His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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