My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
zippers are such a cool invention
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
