WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
