I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
