I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
