I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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