Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
