Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
