I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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