i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
