ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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