TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Randomize
