I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
