somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
