I got chris browned last night
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
