So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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