So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
