I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
