My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
