i jhust puked up my retainher.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
