So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
