And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
