You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
