There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
