That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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