I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize