Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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