I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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