The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am one with the molecules
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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