Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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