Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
