...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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