when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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