Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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