Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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