I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize