He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
