I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
