i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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