Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
my liver is dry heaving
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
