I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
