i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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