I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize