Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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