if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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