Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
