Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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