someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
barbara walters just said penis...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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