she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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