I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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