The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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