So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
