I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
there is puke in my bra ... again
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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