apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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