I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
no you cant smoke seaweed
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
