mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
